so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
