I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
