Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
