Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
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