why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
