so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
