I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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