so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
