he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You are a genius and a whore.
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