I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize