let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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