Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
