I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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