found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
