he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
