my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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