I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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