Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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