Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize