I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
