She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
