Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
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woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
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If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize