Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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