I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
