Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
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