I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
She announced her abortion via fbk
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
