Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
