someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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