you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
