Who wears a wallet chain?!
Banned from zoo.
Again?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
