Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
