Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
