last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
My ass is underappreciated
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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