Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize