i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
