when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
