I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
