so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
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