So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
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His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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