I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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