Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
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My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
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I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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