I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Send help, water and tortillas.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
