This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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