Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
