Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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