I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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