Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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