Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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