at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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