am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
