I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
