your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
