You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
