After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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