we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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