Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
