You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
