question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
