and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
